“Oh you need to take my new class. You are ready.” The guru looks at me with disapproval since I confess I hadn’t done her meditation program yet. This and the promise that what she teaches is newer (better) than the ancient art of Reiki hooked me.
Hay House promotes the guru’s 12 week video program for ‘half’ price. I know it’s marketing. But I sign up. My astropsych class is ending in April. I’ll add the new energy healing lessons to my schedule. I want to be better at what I do. I am excited.
A week later, my head is on fire.
My astropsych class doesn’t end. My teacher invites me to continue and we work out an arrangement. It feels right. At that time it’s revealed that astropsychology is powerful, worthy. It helps a friend realize her gifts despite a challenging chart, deemed quite negative by other astrologers.
Now I have each foot in a boat riding the rapid current. 2 studies and a dancing class I’d joined a friend for fun. A memoir draft waiting in the wings. I can do this. I just need to get in a rhythm. I draw oracle cards that say to be a ‘shape-shifter’, ‘change’ is coming, 3 of cups (celebration). Oh yay. I make arrangements for my son’s rides from school. I create four weekly alarms and calendar events on my new smartphone (another ‘growth’, graduating from the flip phone).
For many, April of 2014 is a month of growth and implosions. Astrologically there is the Cardinal Grand Cross of historic proportions and 2 eclipses (revelations). Cardinal Cross is a cosmic formation that alludes to ‘initiating in 4 directions.’ It feels like that. Growth can be gained from conflicts, but even with conscious intention to grow I feel out of sorts. I stay up late to settle things, catch up.
The guru adds a weekly radio show and monthly conference calls to the videos and PDF homework. I can do it, I say. I CAN.
Week One video and homework comes. It overlaps with my astropsych class, which is reading, audio, quiz, and almost 3 hours of live participation. I can do it. I really want to learn.
Week Two, the videos stop playing. Students wonder about it in guru’s FB group. My inquiry to Hay House results murky answers. The rep says guru ‘doesn’t want to focus on the negative’ by mentioning the tech issue. Flag 1. And only 30-40 people are reporting problems now, you are not of many. Flag 2.
I ask, when would this be fixed? Don’t know, maybe next week. You can uninstall the latest version of Flash Player and re-install the old version and see how it goes. I decide to wait until next week, not wanting to mess with my PC because other videos play fine.
Week Three. Videos are still not playing. Students post and guess about it on FB, some says refund and continued study with just the PDF material is offered by Hay House. The guru finally posts tech problem is being looked at. Hang in there. I follow up with Hay House later that week. The response is, if you don’t change the Flash version on your PC, it’s unlikely that you can view the videos ‘at all.’ They don’t know when it’ll be fixed. No refund but credit. Flags 3, 4, 5.
I copy this to the guru’s own website ‘Contact Us.’ No reply. Flag 7.
How could this be? It’s Hay House. It’s a guru I worked with before. She has a reputation. Though the second workshop I did with her was so-so. Flag 8.
For this 12 week program, she says she’s ‘distilled’ 30 years of experience into it. That counts for something. She is certifying people after 12 weeks -instead of 4 years from past programs -I’ve researched her website. Good reasons to check my doubts at the door and keep my feet at the fire. Once I signed up for the 12 week thing, there is a small blurb at the end of the welcome letter saying that there are 4-5 more levels after this 12 week course. What happened to the ‘distillation?’ Flag 9.
I whine about this to my beloved, who says, ‘quit.’ Hay House can’t deliver the videos. Not your fault. Get the refund.
I am not a quitter.
Wait, I can quit? What about bettering my skills? I reflect a bit. Refund resonates. This guru may have the the expertise but she has not been completely open, even though she wrote ‘Truth Heals.’ I request a refund from Hay House.
No response. I call at the end of the next day. The rep is curt and does what I ask. After my call, I saw the guru had just written on FB that Hay House is close to a solution, top priority. The opposite of the correspondence I received earlier. Flag 10.
Meanwhile I give Reiki to a man with a severely sprained ankle. He’d gone to the ER after a sports accident. His foot is in a brace. The swelling disappears 24 hours after my treatment. He feels mentally ‘restored’ too. Reiki energy works great, transcending time (its age). Flag 11.
A little remorse about ending it with the guru, I write to my intuitive, clear friend, Lori. She reminds me about timing and integrity. Timing isn’t great -I know, and integrity is vital to me. I cannot drink the KoolAid like others in the guru’s FB group. Some thanked her for every message on the tech issue, truthful or not, and some even say it’s okay to not have the videos for the course.
The universe shows me the flags and I ignore them. Why?
As a child I was made to believe and rely on adults who had power over my welfare despite their scolding, hitting, and disapproval. I knew this at one level and had healed a lot of it. But when I met this guru that March weekend, she resonated with my need for approval and recruited me. I let her. I gave away my power.
I need to remember that humility isn’t self-deficiency. Whoever the guru/boss/person of desire is, do not ignore the flags that pop up around her. Trust your instincts. “We are all equals, just changing roles in different situations.” Writes Lori. Amen to that.
And the revelations of April 2014? Priceless. I am good enough.